Husbands and wives don’t call each other “stupid” in front of your Children!!!

Husbands and wives don’t call each other stupid in front of your Children.

When the storms and brawls brew in your lives and you want to release your aggression towards each other. When you feel you have been wronged and want to show your other half how bitter you are over the issue. There is anger that brews deeper inside you and it’s like a hot furnace that blows everything that comes on its way. I have witnessed these kinds of issues arising time and again in families or between mutual friends.  To some people it is their daily bread and they cannot live even a single day without scratching or shouting to each other.

I wonder what their children will learn from these parents, yet they are  the role models of their children. Recently I have visited a most respected family. They love their God and worship Him with their mind and their soul. I have always enjoyed being in their company and helped me to lift up my prayer life. Within this course, I noticed that the other day the husband arrived earlier than the wife from work, and the wife had phoned me, five minutes before the husband had arrived and she had wanted to know whether the husband was already at home. Obviously my answer was no. With a curious tone of an investigator, I probed in to find the cause of the panic in her tone. She explained over the phone that she was shopping in one of the big supermarkets (name supplied) when she left her husband waiting for her in their car. It was an hour after when she called out after discovering that her husband had left her for home.

When the husband came home he was fuming, that his wife had taken long in shopping and he had gone looking for her in the supermarket and failed to find her. I mentioned that she had called for him earlier. He called her back and roared over the phone like a lion, accusing her for being very slow in her shopping.  Fearing the wrath of her man over the phone she rejected to answer any further phone calls that the husband had made afterwards. She hired a taxi and came home. She called me to open the door. I opened and ushered her into the house. The moment she came in and faced her husband, the brawl began and the husband poured out her venomous words. “You are very stupid, whom do you think you are?” He kept on pouring out hurting words and I felt very uncomfortable to be in their presence and quickly I went upstairs. All along some of their children where in their presence, and they heard every single harsh word the father had used to attack their mother.

Upstairs was their eldest daughter, and she was having a bath and it was her birthday. When I popped in the bath, she spoke to me. “Aunt I am not happy with what dad is saying to mum. He is being nasty, disgusting and horrible to her. He is already spoiling my day. Should I go and stop him?” She asked me with her eyes darting about and anxiously waiting for confirmation. I asked her, whether her parents had ever attacked each other like this before? “Yes, they do it time and again, but in the past one of my aunts used to physically interpose between them.” Hummm? I sang a song of shock.  I advised her not to go because I feared the father would totally ruin her birthday. In the end everything was calm and the storm seemed to have ceased.

I went down straight into the kitchen and helped the wife to pack the things and showed a beautiful cake that I had made the previous night for her daughter whilst she was at work. We talked about the brawl and I only told her to keep calm that everything will be well.

I do not hesitate to say I was shocked with the husband’s reaction over his wife that he dishonoured her in the presence of their children. You would think a family that fears God would have much respect over each other, and when they got angry, the would know how to handle the situations and talk to each other in a manner that allows the two of them to be much involved without letting the children knowing that there was a brawl between them. Christian or non-Christian families they do face these challenges everyday. Most people they don’t know how to handle their temper and children are the most affected till to their adulthood.

As it so happened now, the brawl family, some of their two children who are less than five years are regularly shouting; “stupid” word to their mum, father, sisters and anybody when they are angry. It is the start of lacking respect in their lives, so I believe. Could we blame the children?  The answer is No. The parents are the root of their discipline in their lives. How could they discipline their own children when they are failing to discipline themselves? I have witnessed in schools some young children as young as four years, permanently saying “f…k off” to teachers and other children. It hurt me to see the children getting some negative influence from their parents and older siblings. Children learn from what they see and some children become violent in their lives as they grow older because  of their experiences of  having lived in an environment where parents were always fighting or having a brawl. They end up thinking the solution to end a problem is to fight or to steal and many  more of ugly things.

If these kind of brawls are constantly rising, time and again in the family, would always have some repercussions in life as it divides the family apart, children taking sides of the mother or the father depending circumstances of the situation. One parent can be thoroughly hate by the children if s(he) is the wicked one. Parents end up manipulating each other in the presence of their children just to gain favour from their children. Mocking themselves in the presence of their children, and yet this should not be the case.

The bible says in Proverbs 22:6: Train a in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not return from it. Just to add another verse from the bible on 2 Timothy 3;16,17 : All Scripture is God breathed and useful for teaching, rebuking, and correcting and training in righteous, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work. There are more than 25 verses in the bible that will help you to equip your child in the way the Lord our God has always wanted.

I hope by reading this short article from me you have learnt something that might be of importance in living in harmony with your family. If you go angry go somewhere and release your anger without hurting someone or go in a secret room or bedroom and talk calmly to your wife without causing a brawl that affects the family. Learn to forgive on petty issues. Always learn to listen to each other and be respectful always. Our God is a God of patience and He is slower to anger. Some people always pray to ask God to control their temper. Always laugh and take your wife or your husband for an outing. Challenges come and go but learn to handle each situation as it comes. Remember your children will always soak up everything you do. It is the image they will present when outside. Don’t ruin their childhood with negative or bad influence that would stick permanently in their lives and becomes a family chain of abusive languages and brawls in their lives. Could you permanently cut off bad, horrible, disgusting words, or language that you always throw around in your family? Take a positive route that brings a positive impact in your lives!!!!

 

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“They are racist”…A patient shouted out

“They are racist”… a patient shouted out.

I love writing and in writing I can express myself better. I felt I should write this story as to draw attention to what some people face in some parts of the world. Some of the stories that I write are alien to other people as they wonder whether the writer wrote a true story or a fictional story. I also remembered when I grew up in Zimbabwe, I read some books, which had some intriguing stories that happened in my neighbouring country, Republic of South Africa; I wondered whether these stories were real or not. The authors were both white and black who highlighted of apartheid, the segregation that went between people of different races, the hierarchy of the colour bar, the torture, the poverty and how thousand of millions of Africans people suffered in their own motherland when the rich, bully, minority ruled over them. The majority died a brutality death, some people were maimed, some were separated from their beloved ones for a long period as injustice took over in their lives and spent three decades in prison, and a good example is of Nelson Mandela, who faced all the criteria of harsh treatment in his life time.

When I moved into Britain, my daily life encountered different challenges, and some incidents begun to bring some ringing bells of the books that I read in the past of some racist incidents, or remarks. There was nothing of illusion of the incidents that I faced, and I realised this was the reality I was living in and the reality of situations that some authors had highlighted and I wondered whether they  were true? One day, in 2006, in Rochdale, I was walking in one of the residential estates and I met a young white boy of five years. The moment he saw he screamed to me and said, “I hate you because you are black.” I was shocked and I never answered him back. I never blamed the child but I thought he might have picked this racist language from the streets or from unruly parents.  Britain is now a country of multicultural diversity. Within this beautiful Island it faces it’s own challenges and some of the challenges are highlighted with my relevant topic.

My friend works in one of the biggest NHS hospitals in Manchester as a nurse. On the other night while she was on duty, a male black patient called out: “They are racist, I want a black nurse to look after me.” He continuously called out and insisted he wanted a black nurse. In the end she was forced to go and attend that patient and offered him with his medical needs but her service to the black male patient was short lived as the nurse in charge decided to send an Asian nurse to attend his needs throughout the night.

“They are racist,” it’s an inclusive expression term but does it mean all whites are racist? My answer is NO. It is prejudice and stereotyping. There are many millions of white people who are good at heart and it is a few who mess up with other people’s lives hence brandishing a good name. At some stage of my life I lived with a white family, professionals, but very humble to earth and helped me in many things that I needed and until today we are still in good books. I have witnessed some white communities where they have helped people who become homeless from people of ethnic minorities, offering them with their own accommodation at their own expense. Some white communities campaigning against harsh treatment that asylum seekers face in this country. Raising the awareness of the disadvantaged minorities. When Zimbabwe was in crisis, some of white people came for night vigils that were held weekly at  the Zimbabwe embassy in London.

In a similar environment where my friend works she also highlighted a similar incident that happened between a black nurse and a white patient. A black nurse attended the needs of the white patient. She offered her with support to lift her up, but soon after the white patient complained of her body being itchy and matters were reported to the seniors. In the end white nurses who happened to take her to the bathroom where she was thoroughly washed,  also attended  to her medical needs.

In an environment like this one would think a patient should welcome any help s(he) is given without bringing any division between the workers which I believe their ethos of the service are the same. Surprisingly these incidences come up unexpectedly hence bringing tension with the organisation. Regardless of this, the medical officers are required to respect the patient’s wishes but in some circumstances it is not always the issue as the black patient was to face the Asian nurse, not the black he called for.

I have been motivated to write this article because of the latest racial abuse incident that took place in Serbia where the local fans chanted abusive racist words towards the black players who were playing at international under English team. Danny Rose, the England defender was racially abused and pelted with stones in the Serbian city of Krusevac at a football match, played on Tuesday the 16th of October 2012. It prompted the English government to call for tough sanctions against Serbia. It is harsh and cruel to torment other people because of their colour skin. I believe people who are racist are ignorant and if they were wise they would understand God uses variation in his creation. In everything He created He saw it good. I understand from bible that God created one race, which is the human race. It’s the rotten human mind that degrades other people and thinks they are not fit for purpose, yet when we are one and united together we can perform wonders.

OBAMA: Don’t Lose Sight!!!

A message that I thought as a writer I should write it at an appropriate time and little did I know this was the time to send a message of encouragement to the President of United States of America, Barrack Hussein OBAMA, a message that would invoke his spirits, in winning souls of many on the time of elections. It is a message that is directed to the Honourable President Obama. The Ball is still in your hands and you can play it well. Just play in the 18 area and score as many goals as you can because there are plenty of opportunities to win the Premium Trophy. You have created that brand for yourself and still you can. There is nothing to fear and the light for you shines ayonder and you have great supporters all over the world and majority I know they see you as the best role model that the world has ever produced.

They admire you; they talk about you in the streets, schools, churches, colleges, universities, work and in their homes. These people they do emulate your achievements and some they envisage you in their dreams that one day they would be like you. They have engraved your name in their hearts.  Some of these people are young boys from a black community in Moss Side, Manchester, United Kingdom. The area these children grew up was an area of gun culture and it was negatively stereotyped because of the former. Many of these children lost their self-esteem because it was crippled because of the negative stigma that was associated with the area they lived and lost the self-belief that they can do better and some were complete lost and their lives never recovered.

Some who were fortunate enough to witness your victory on the 5th November 2008. Your inauguration was a great landmark in the history of a mankind. It inspired many across the world. The young people came to understand they are no excuses for failures, nothing can stop them to reach the highest branch of the tallest tree and they understood that the sky is the limit. It was you, the Honourable, President Obama, who turned many lives of young people and adults into positive thinking. There is no colour bar. The message is clear:It  is crowded at the bottom and more free space at the top.

When Emory Douglas, from America, visited Manchester in August 2008, spent a week, and for two days, worked with a group of young people (aged 12-15) from Moss Side. This group benefited the Emory Douglas, masterclass and it was an opportunity to find on about American Civil Rights Movements direct from one of it Protagonist. The young people asked him about Black Panther Party and they also talked to him about his techniques he used to create his revolutionary art.  By the end of the masterclass, this group had completed their own posters, which gave an insight into the issues and concerns that are important to them

He inspired many young children especially from the black community and because of the inspiration he stimulated them to be artist and one of the children drew a lovely picture of you, President Obama. His message to you clearly written: Don’t lose sight. The importance of sight is very crucial it shows  direction of where you are going but sight can be lost on the way if you lose concentration. I think that the same young person had a good insight and recognised it, that it can happen to any body regardless of the position. As a word of inspiration he wanted to say these word from the bottom of his heart that you should not lose sight but keep focusing.

I am grateful as a novice blogger that I came upon this work of children when I treaded upon the grounds of Manchester in 2009, where Emory Douglas’s work was exhibited and out of generosity he displayed the work of these young children.  Again he appreciated their work and inspired them that they are more than what they think. Once I saw these pictures displayed, my eyes settled on them with a great appreciation and admiration. I took several pictures and today one of them inspired me to write. I WISH THE OBAMAS THE BEST OF ALL IN THE WORLD.  And to fight a war they never fought before.